My Ex Is Fine, but I’m Drowning!

Q: My boyfriend of six months broke up with me about two months ago, and I just can’t seem to get my life back together! I have to come to school every day and act like everything’s fine, when really I just want to give up on life. I’ve been trying to pray about it and cling to God, but I still feel really empty, worthless, and pretty depressed. And he seems just fine, which hurts worse! What should I do?

Sis, you are so beautiful! God knows you with an intimacy no boy could ever understand. You are precious to your heavenly Father, and He delights in you. With gentle hands He made you, forming you day by day in your mother’s womb. He knows your every thought (delighting in the good ones, His love never wavering amidst the bad ones). He knows your every breath, every single one, because He gives you life. He sustains you in the midst of a fallen and painful world. He knows the pain of heartbreak and rejection. Jesus–the Husband, the Groom–came to His own creation, His own bride, and was rejected. His own creation spat in His face! His beloved turned and walked away.

I’d say Jesus can relate to your situation, sis.

It takes time for a heart to heal, my beautiful sister! Don’t for one moment think something’s wrong with you just because this still hurts deeply, okay? That just tells me that you’re alive and kicking, sis! If it didn’t hurt, then I’d be worried! I’ve had my heart broken into tiny pieces, and through it I learned a very important secret to getting past the pain: Don’t let what you’re feeling prescribe the healing. In other words, don’t let the feelings of the flesh make you forget the truth. Think on what is true. You know the truth, it’s just hard to feel the truth in the difficult seasons of life. That’s one of the great battles of life: mind versus feelings. In the case of a broken heart, you must outthink all the confusing feelings.

And you know what? It’s okay to keep your chin up at school. It shows class and dignity. And it’s okay to let your guard down with your family and godly friends. If they’re a part of your life, they know you’re hurting right now. They may not always say the right things to help, but they love you and will help you. Don’t be afraid to trust them as they care for you.

On a practical note, it may help to fill some of your idle or leisure time serving others.  If you attend church, see whether they have any opportunities to help out. Or take a Saturday and serve a meal to the homeless at a nearby Rescue Mission or similar ministry. Get some friends together and pick up all the trash at a park where children like to play. I know that sounds crazy, but sometimes when we give to others, it helps take the focus off all we want to receive but can’t right now.

And it’s okay if he seems fine. Actually, I’d say it doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. I’d say, don’t take a great interest in how he’s doing at school. Set your mind on Christ, and push forward. If I had settled on the memories of yesterday, I’d still be crying over the guy I dated in high school! When things didn’t work out with that boyfriend, I had to trust in the character of Jesus, knowing He would give me all that I need. As I learned to seek Him and His kingdom first, all “needs” were added to my life. Not all that I want, but let me tell ya, sis: most of what I wanted in the past would have been terrible for me!

Stand tall, in dignity, cast your cares on Christ, let Him sustain you, trust Him, trust your loving family and friends, and look ahead with confidence that the sun will come out again. God is glorious, and He lives within you! Trust in Him, be patient in the midst of the trial, and lay your heart in the Father’s hands. A loving Father weeps with His beloved daughter when she hurts. He loves you, sis. He loves you.


PS- Here are some verses that might help:

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book” (Psalm 56:8).

“Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you” (1 Peter 5:7).

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline” (2 Timothy 1:7).

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need” (Matthew 6:33).

“Come to Me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you. Let Me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).

“Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be” (Matthew 6:21).

“And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, He will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?” (Matthew 6:30).

“Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again-rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise” (Philippians 4:4-8).

Also check out Psalm 139:1-18!

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Welcome to Life, Love and God—a place for teen girls to find answers! I’m Jessie. Consider me a spiritual “big sis”—someone who cares a ton for you and wants to help you thrive!