I’m Afraid if I Say “No,” I’ll Lose Him

Q: My boyfriend is not a virgin, but I am, and every time we talk on the phone he talks about how the next time we see each other he wants to have sex with me. I really like this guy, but I’m feeling pressure to have sex with him when I’m not ready to lose my virginity. I’m afraid that if I say no I will lose him. He wants to have a family with me, but I’m not sure this is the guy I want to be with. I don’t know what to do!

adropFirst, I’m proud of you for thinking such a big decision through instead of just going along with what your boyfriend wants. I think the answer to your question is simple, though I know it won’t feel simple at all to your heart! Please know that I share this with you because I love you, and I want God’s BEST for you.

I can tell you straight up that this guy is NOT what’s best for you. He may be a “really nice guy,” but he clearly isn’t man enough to respect your body and your boundaries. You deserve to be treated better; you deserve someone who will love you so much that he wouldn’t have sex with you before marriage, even if you wanted to. He’s pressuring you to have sex, even though you know it’s wrong to have sex before you’re married. To me, that’s an absolute deal breaker in a relationship. You said you’re afraid that if you say no you will lose him, but honestly, I think that’s the best thing you could do for yourself. Don’t wait–break up with him now. But don’t think of it as “losing him”; it’s the other way around. He is losing you, because he doesn’t understand the precious treasure you are. He doesn’t know how to treat a girl with respect!

I have a hunch that you already knew what my answer would be, yet because you asked anyway, I have a sneaking suspicion that you already knew what you should do, but needed a pep talk to do it! So I hope these words will give you the courage to do what you know is right. Joshua 1:7 is my prayer for you:

Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all [God’s instructions]. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do.



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Welcome to Life, Love and God—a place for teen girls to find answers! I’m Jessie. Consider me a spiritual “big sis”—someone who cares a ton for you and wants to help you thrive!