Q: My best friend wants to date my ex boyfriend. He recently said some really hurtful things to me, and I feel like she is saying that it’s okay that he hurt me. What do I do?
I’m sorry you’re in this tough spot! I’m sure it’s really hard to think clearly, without emotions clouding your view, because you’re being hurt by not one but two people you’ve cared deeply about! Since I’m on the outside of the hurt, hopefully I can give you an objective perspective on the situation. I’m going to try to take the emotion out of my response—not because I don’t hurt deeply for you right now, but because sometimes it helps to get a fresh perspective from someone outside of the drama. Know what I mean?
So here are the facts as I see them…
- Things didn’t work out with your ex. One of you ended the relationship, which means it’s time to let go and move on. Easier said than done, I know! But you can have peace knowing that he is not God’s best for you—at least not right now.
- I don’t know what your ex said, but it sounds like from your perspective, the words were uncalled for. That only further proves #1.
- Once a relationship ends, you have to give up all ties with that person. That means you don’t have any claim on his heart or who he chooses to date in the future. You have to let him go and let him live his life. Again, easier said than done!
- I don’t know what your ex was like while you were dating or why you broke up, but as a friend, you can let your bestie know if you saw some red flags she should be aware of. Other than that, I think you have to let her make her own decision.
So… You have the choice to grow bitter or to grow in love. First Corinthians 13 gives us believers a pretty high standard for how we should love others—including our best friends and ex-boyfriends!
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
Not jealous. Not proud. Keeps no record of being wronged. Wow. That’s some tough stuff to live out, isn’t it?
I’m not suggesting you won’t hurt in the process, but if you can choose to endure in love through every circumstance—including not holding a grudge if your bf does end up dating your ex—well, that’s when God’s blessings show up in unexpected ways. Because as Paul said at the beginning of that chapter (1 Corinthians 13), true love puts hands and feet to our faith.
Praying God gives you clear vision to see what you need to do, sis. And that He’ll wrap His big, Daddy’s arms around you today to remind you that you have a bright future and beautiful life ahead of you if you keep following Him.