Is He with Me for the Right Reasons?

Q: I have been with this guy for about three months. I have been hurt quite a lot during our relationship, and I’m just not sure if he is with me for the right reasons. When we used to talk, we would laugh and talk seriously, but now it’s all about sex. He tells me he loves me, but maybe he’s lying. What should I do?

I’m sorry you’re hurting in this relationship. That’s no fun! Especially when it started out so fun and enjoyable. You said you’ve been hurt quite a lot during this relationship, so I’m going to venture to say it’s maybe not the best relationship ever? I’m sorry to say, it doesn’t sound like it’s going the right direction, according to the subject that keeps coming up (sex). It’s been three months, which really isn’t that long as far as relationships go. To me, that’s not a good sign. As my husband would say, it takes time for a guy to show his true colors. If your boyfriend is all about sex after only three months, then chances are he’s probably pressuring you, or at least you’re probably feeling a lot of pressure in regard to the physical side of your relationship.

Love is an easy word to use, but not an easy thing to understand. He may be saying “love,” but is he treating you the way a godly guy should? Talk is cheap. Maybe he’s not lying to you on purpose, but then he might not truly understand what love is supposed to be. Love is patient, self-sacrificing and trustworthy (see 1 Corinthians 13:4-7). From the information you’ve shared, it doesn’t sound like love to me.

This is a hard email so far, huh? I’m sorry I don’t have brighter news when it comes to my advice about your relationship, sis. So here’s some encouragement: I am proud of you for taking the time to seek out advice and help in this situation. It shows me that you care about your heart, and the type of relationship you want with a guy. One of the hardest things we girls have to decide is when to say, “You know what? God says I am worthy of respect, God says I am wonderfully made, so I refuse to accept anything less than honorable treatment from any boy.” Easy words for me to type, very hard words to live out! But I can promise you, sis, that if you stick with Jesus, He will not disappoint you–even if it means suffering a broken heart by ending this relationship.

Only you can decide if this is a relationship you want to be in. I can’t make that choice for you, but I will say that your boyfriend is not honoring or respecting you enough, and you should at least talk to him about that. I’d also (highly) suggest taking some time to pray and ask God if this relationship is healthy, and whether He wants you to continue in it. It may be time to make some tough decisions, sis.

I’m sorry this isn’t the grandest email you’ve ever heard, but hang in there, okay? And read Psalm 139:1-18 tonight. Jesus adores you–how amazing is that?!


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Welcome to Life, Love and God—a place for teen girls to find answers! I’m Jessie. Consider me a spiritual “big sis”—someone who cares a ton for you and wants to help you thrive!