I Want to Get Over My Ex

Q: I have a great Christian boyfriend now and things are great. I just don’t know if I’m really over my last boyfriend, and I really do want to be over him considering how he broke my heart. I really like my new boyfriend and I don’t want to be thinking about an ex when I’m with him. How do I just move on?

adropBeing over someone is tricky business. It takes time to get past it all, and usually one of the last things that stands in the way is the question, “Why?” But I’m not convinced we always ask ourselves why for the right reasons. I think that we sometimes want to know why because we think that if we figure out the secret, we can somehow have everything back the way it was, only better. And you know what? I don’t think there’s a true answer to that question. I think that question is our flesh’s way of haunting us.

The flesh loves to live in the past. It loves to reminisce; it loves to bring back memories at the worst possible moments. If you let them, your feelings will make it hard to let go of many things that shouldn’t be held onto. That’s why letting your feelings control you isn’t wise. Proverbs 25:28 warns us: “Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls.” If you want to move on, you’re going to have to keep those feelings in check by trusting God’s truth over your feelings.

My husband Paco wrote a song about it called, “I Just Miss It All.” It’s about how the flesh takes over sometimes, and plunges us into a tailspin of sad memories and regret. (The lyrics are below.) He wrote it about feelings that he knows are not what God asks of us, but I think it really captures the struggle we sometimes face in letting go.

Your flesh will always horde those memories. In your mind, however, you already know God has a different plan for you. Second Timothy 1:7 reminds us that “God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” Don’t wait for your ex-boyfriend to explain why things didn’t work out. In fact, don’t even wait for God to explain why. You don’t need the impossible answer to that question in order to have closure. Closure is found in putting your trust in the God who created and loves you, resting in the knowledge that HE is the reason why, then accepting that as all you need to know. I will never truly know the reasons for 90 percent of the heartbreaks in my life, but I am 100 percent confident that God knows the reasons, and He is taking care of me more than I can ever understand.


I Just Miss It All
by Paco Minassian, January 2002

Looking back
At seasons come and gone
Scared of my own heart
At how I sometimes long
For what once was
For what I had and lost
At how regret can have
So great a cost

They say to look ahead
At what will be
And just forget
But somewhere deep within
There lives a part of me
That hasn’t moved on yet

And as the colors change
And midnight falls
My heart fails
And I just miss it all
And memories still dance
And voices call
And my soul aches
And I just miss it all

Looking on
The future clouds my mind
Darkened by the shadows
Of what’s left behind
And I feel passion
For things that have no place
Confusion drawing Sorrow’s lines
Upon my face

So many times I’ve smiled
But nothing ever
Stays the same
And I can always dream
Of what tomorrow brings
But yesterday remains

And as the colors change… (to chorus) 

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Welcome to Life, Love and God—a place for teen girls to find answers! I’m Jessie. Consider me a spiritual “big sis”—someone who cares a ton for you and wants to help you thrive!