Q: There’s this guy I’ve had a crush on for a long time. Sometimes I think he’s into me because of stuff he says or does, but then other times it’s like he totally ignores me. How do I know if he likes me?
This is the number one question I get at LifeLoveandGod.com, so although I’ve taken a stab at it here and here in the past, I figured it was time to ask an expert—like, an actual guy. So when I met up with comedian John Crist after one of his shows earlier this year, I decided to get his take on the age-old question: How do you know if a guy likes you?
First, there was a lot of this:
Once I finally got in the zone (focus, Jessie), we got to the business at hand:
As you can tell by my overly-quizzical expressions, that seems like a thin way to know, don’t you think? He’ll text you first? John, that doesn’t feel scientific at all. What if he doesn’t have your number? What if he’s shy? What if you’re just sure he looked at you “that” way? And what if he texts you because he wants to be your friend, but nothing more? John, for the love of teen angst, WE GOT MORE QUESTIONS!!!
I think my punky-haired friend is onto something though. “He’ll text you first” shows action. It takes initiative. Which says something, because when a guy takes a genuine liking to a girl, something in his testosterone-pumping body pushes him to do something about it. God wired guys that way. Our culture, and relationally-aggressive girls, have messed with it, belittled it, and all but stomped it out, but deep down a guy wants to pursue a girl like the battle-worn knight of tales gone by. He was made for it (among other things, of course).
So back to your question: How do you know if he likes you? It would be great to have a DNA test, or maybe a Crushalyzer or something, wouldn’t it? Just to know for sure. But since love-struck girls have yet to invent a miraculous device like that, I’ll give you the only fool-proof way I know of to be 100 percent certain that your crush returns your feelings. Are you ready for this? You’ll know he likes you if…
He tells you he likes you.
I hear your muffled sobs. I know it’s painfully anti-climactic, but until the moment you hear (or maybe read) those long-yearned-for words, you’re going to have to get comfortable with ambiguity—with trying to read the signs like a shrimp lost in the Sargasso Sea. I feel your pain. I really do. It stinks to not be omniscient (know everything), but there you have it. The good news is that you don’t have to sit on your bed twiddling your thumbs while you wait for the day when his feelings flip for you, or he musters the courage to tell you he’s loved you from afar all this time. No way! You’ve got a lot of life to live today, sister, and your purpose, dreams, talents and opportunities to serve others don’t depend on having that cutie-pants pursue you.
So where do you go from here? Here are six places to start:
- Be you. Not what you think he wants in a girl.
- Be kind. To him and to everyone else that crosses your path today.
- Don’t push it. You could tell him how you feel, but if he doesn’t return your feelings, you’ll probably push him away. (If he did feel the same way, he probably would have made sure you knew it.)
- Wait on God. He’s got your BEST in mind, and you can trust His plan for your love life!
- Get busy. Life is too short to waste love-sick thoughts and emotions on someone who may or may not return your feelings. So get out there and live your life!
- Read Crushed: Why Guys Don’t Have to Make or Break You, or another book that will help you know who you are and what you’re looking for in a guy and relationship.
I’ll be working on that DNA test (which will make me a millionaire, no doubt) but in the meantime, I hope this helps relieve the pressure and puts your heart at ease today. And if this doesn’t do the trick, a good laugh would’t hurt. John’s clean comedy release, I Got Questions, or his equally-hilarious Insta feed, will get your mind off of the wondering—promise!