Q: My boyfriend of 2 ½ years broke up with me last week. He told me that after fasting and praying, he heard the voice of God telling him to dethrone anything that was currently capturing his heart. That thing was me. I understand that this is what we both need to really clear our minds and put God in His rightful place, but my heart is killing me. Any advice?
I’ve been on both sides of a “have to put God first” breakup, and neither end of it feels very good–at least not at first. On one hand, I remember trusting that God would “cause everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them” (Romans 8:28), but on the other hand it just hurt so bad that at times I felt I was losing it. I questioned whether my bf had really heard from God, and if he did, why didn’t God release my heart too? It didn’t make sense, and it hurt. Bad.
The good news is, eventually the pain subsided. It took time, and it took distancing myself from the source of the pain (in my case, I had to stop receiving calls from my ex, and tried not to see him unless I couldn’t avoid it). And of course, I had to take every hurt, longing and confusion to Christ. Psalm 34 became a lifeline for me. Verse 18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit.” Brokenhearted? Check. Crushed beyond what I thought was possible to bear? Check. And that’s when God came through big time. Looking back now, the painful season that followed that breakup (with the guy I thought I was going to marry, who suddenly felt I was an “idol” in his life), were some of the best times with God in my whole life.
I know the same can be true of your story. If you’ll allow God access to all the hurt and frustration you’re feeling, and “vent” your pain by getting in the Word and spending time with God, He’ll do what He does best–make even the ugliest circumstances beautiful in His own time (Ecclesiastes 3:11).
So what do I advise for a girl who “just can’t help put hurt?” Go ahead and hurt. It’s okay to feel pain when you lose someone you love! Just don’t “grieve like people who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13). You’ve got a ton going for you–including a relationship with your Savior! Eventually the sun will come out again.