Q: My boyfriend of two years broke up with me a few months ago. Our break up has been filled with drama, and he is dating a new girl now. I feel so replaced and I’m struggling with hating her. He shoves her in my face every chance he can, at school, over social media—everywhere. How do I let him go and not be bitter towards his new girlfriend?

I’m so sorry that your heart is hurting. I can totally see why you’re struggling with hurt, hate and feeling replaced. I know words can’t change your circumstances, but I do hope they give you a glimmer of hope today….

If we’ve trusted God to direct our paths, we can be sure of two things: 1) He’ll do it, and 2) He’ll often use other people to help steer us into His will. Sometimes God uses other people’s strengths to steer us, like a pastor’s sermon, a worship leader writing powerful music, or a friend’s love and encouragement. But sometimes He uses other people’s sin, weaknesses, and even stupid mistakes to steer us in the direction He wants us to go. And in those moments it’s really easy to point our finger at the person who hurt us and forget that it’s ultimately God who is guiding us.

[pullquote align=”left” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]Sometimes God uses other people’s sin, weaknesses, and even stupid mistakes to steer us in the direction He wants us to go…[/pullquote]

I just had this played out in my own life not too long ago. After a lot of prayer, I had offered to volunteer at a certain ministry for a couple months, leaving the final decision of whether I could be of use up to the leaders there. While I waited for their answer, I literally begged God to make it crystal clear whether it was His will for me and my family to serve there (because even though I really wanted to do it, it also would have involved some big sacrifices for all of us). When the time came for them to give me an answer… no answer came. They didn’t even return my phone calls or emails. And in my sinful little heart, I was offended! I thought, They couldn’t even give me the courtesy of a no? And then it hit me—I was seeing the obvious closed door as their mistake instead of as a direct answer to my five hundred prayers asking God to make His will clear! He made it clear alright. Lol! Once I saw it that way, I could thank God for their “mistake” and stop taking it personally.

I think the same is true in your situation. If you’ve trusted your life to God—asking Him to take control of your direction and lead you on good paths—then you can view the breakup as God’s best for you, instead of as your ex-bf’s mistake.[pullquote align=”right” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]You haven’t been replaced, you’ve been freed from that relationship for God’s glory and your good…[/pullquote] And you can view his new girlfriend as just a fellow girl trying to figure out life and love, instead of as an enemy and the cause of your heartache. The truth is, you haven’t been replaced, you’ve been freed from that relationship for God’s glory and your good. And judging by your ex’s actions, God definitely has your best in mind! You deserve better, sis. It’s not easy to change our thoughts that way, but believe me, it will bring so much freedom and hope into your heart when you do.

In this time of being single, can I suggest you grab a copy of my book Crushed: Why Guys Don’t Have to Make or Break You? It’s designed to help you figure out who you are, what kind of guy you want to look for in the future, and how to keep future relationships in the sweet spot of God’s will.

Love,