Q: My boyfriend of three years supports my faith and has come to church occasionally, but I really feel the need to marry a godly man. With this said, I made a really difficult decision to end things. It was a struggle between having such an easy, loving and comfortable relationship, and wanting to wait for the man God has made for me… Now, though, I’m stuck here thinking no man will ever love me as much as he did! I can’t help but think this is going to be a long and lonely period of waiting around, while he moves on thinking I’m crazy and finding another girl! Have you ever experienced a situation like this? Have any encouraging words that I made the right decision?
For what it’s worth, I think you made a very wise, godly decision. That doesn’t make it any easier. You’ve invested years into that relationship, so it’s very normal to feel a ton of pain in letting go. Nor will it go away overnight. It’s very normal to have doubts, to feel the things you’re feeling. On top of that, Satan will attack and try to convince you that your “best chance” for marriage and happiness is now gone.
Don’t listen to him, sis!
I think we girls go through those types of feelings when we break up. I also had a three-year relationship in high school, and yes, when I broke up with him I had some similar feelings. So I can relate to what you’re going through!
This is going to sound crazy, but here goes: I can’t promise you’ll meet a man who will love you as much as he did. I say that because I want you to embrace the right perspective when it comes to husbands and romance. God doesn’t promise marriage, nor should that be our focus in life. Christ should be our focus. All the rest–husbands included–are added to our lives as God sees fit for His purposes. Matthew 6:33 says,
Seek the kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need.
Sometimes what we want and what we need are two very different things. That’s why I’m so proud of you, sis. You chose what you know you need over what a part of you still wants very much. That, my friend, is true and wonderful faith. So don’t be discouraged! Take heart, and rest in the Lord, knowing that He cares for you deeply!
That said (here comes a ray of sunshine), some time after I ended that relationship out of obedience, God blessed my socks off with a husband whose love for me utterly eclipses anything I had experienced before. I didn’t realize how awesome a God-honoring relationship could be! But first I had to let go of less-than-godly relationships. I had to trust that God knew best. Easy to say, hard to do! C.S. Lewis penned some words that always humble me each time I read them:
We are far too easily pleased, like an ignorant child who goes on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by an offer of a holiday at the sea.
Now, I’m not at all trying to make light of the relationship you had, nor trying to slight your ex-boyfriend. But as far as godly men go, I’d rather wait for the hope of an ocean of godliness than be content with a mud puddle of not-really-godly. Again, I don’t say that to insult your ex-boyfriend. I just want you to shine for Christ, and I can guarantee that it’s extremely hard to do when you invest your heart in a man who’s anything less than sold out for Christ. Trust me, it’s hard enough investing in a godly husband–he is a boy, and boys can be so exasperating! (lol)
I hope what I’ve written makes sense, sis. In a nutshell: what you’re feeling is normal, it will take time to heal, Satan will be attacking during the process, and I am proud of you for making such a wise and godly decision! Hang in there; the best thing you can do is trust the Father who loves you dearly, embracing the fact that He will give you what you need when you need it.
So be at peace, sis-you made the right decision, one hundred percent, no question in my mind.