Q: I am a Christian, but I have a really close girl friend that I think I have started liking… like more than as a friend. I like her personality and I’m attracted to her. But I am so afraid of what to do. I know that homosexuality is a sin. Does this mean I do not belong to God? I don’t know what to do with myself.
What a brave question. First, let me tell you that you’re not the only one who is confused about her sexuality. In the years since I started LifeLoveandGod.com, many girls have come to this site wondering what to do with their same-sex attraction (SSA). I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I do have some thoughts to share with you.
- You are not alone. Satan wants you to feel so ashamed of your feelings that you won’t talk to those who can help. If you let shame isolate you, he can attack at will. But the truth is, there’s nothing for you to be ashamed of. Being tempted to sin is not the same as sinning. Girls all around you are dealing with sexual temptation (whether heterosexual or homosexual) yet choose to fight against it. It’s so important for you to understand that your temptation is not more shameful than theirs, and that being tempted doesn’t mean you somehow don’t belong to God.
- Dig deep for Truth. You said that you know homosexuality is a sin. I agree with you, but I think it’s important for you to understand why (and to know the difference between same-sex attraction and homosexuality). Most Christians are content to slap a verse from Leviticus on the LGBT “issue” and call it good. But there is a whole lot more to it than that. My friend, Preston Sprinkle, does an excellent job of laying out all the Biblical texts and looking at each one from a place of love, empathy and truth in his book for students: Living in a Gray World. It’s the best book I’ve ever read on the subject—for those who struggle with SSA, or for those who just want to have an open, honest, biblical conversation about homosexuality.
- Find Help. It’s not realistic to think you can ditch unwanted same-sex attraction with a snap of your fingers. Is God able to change a person’s heart and mind? Absolutely. Will He do it with a snap of His fingers? Not usually. That’s why I encourage you to find people and ministries who can walk with you in this journey. Accountability is going to take some guts on your part. You don’t have to tell your friends, but please talk to a parent, your pastor, a Christian counselor or a mentor who can walk with you through this process. You can also search specifically for SSA resources here.
- Remember hope. Anything is possible with God! Even girls who have acted on their SSA and find themselves in a homosexual relationship can still find freedom from that sin. We are never too far for God’s grace! I’m crazy about hope and freedom. That’s why I wrote Unashamed: Overcoming the Sins No Girl Wants to Talk About. You can find out more and watch the book’s trailer at Unashamed.Link.
Like I said, those are just some thoughts to get you started. Now let me tell you one more time how proud I am of you for having the guts to own up to your temptation, and for emailing me with your question. Remember, you are not alone!
The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you can endure.
-1 Corinthians 10:13
Love,
