Should I Ditch my Former BFF?

Q: I have a friend who has been my friend since kindergarten, but she has always hurt me. Like one day she would be my best friend, and the next she would just ignore me. It hurt so much! Then last year I decided to start looking for new friends and didn’t just focus on one bff. This year we both moved to a new school, and now I am the only friend she has. She doesn’t make friends easily, and now she’s acting a bit jealous of my new friends. What should I do?

adropI think you were smart last year to not focus on “just one bff”– especially when that bestie wasn’t the best at being a good friend! In order to have good friends, you have to be a good friend to others. Proverbs 18:24 (NKJV) says, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly.” It doesn’t sound like your former bff has quite got a handle on that yet. But does that mean you leave her in the dust and just move on completely? That’s a tough question…

I don’t think the decision whether to stay friends with her is a sin issue either way. As long as you are treating your former bff with respect and kindness (even when she is rude or jealous toward you), there isn’t anything in the Bible that commands you to stay good friends with someone you don’t want to. In fact, I can only think of verses like 1 Corinthians 15:33 which remind us that “bad company corrupts good character.” The key, though, is treating your friend with respect and kindness. In this situation, I think that means that if you’re going to purposely avoid hanging out with her, she deserves to know why. This is the really hard part! It’s going to take guts on your part to calmly and kindly explain to your friend what you’re feeling toward her. She deserves to know the truth. And who knows–maybe your kind advice will help her become a better friend to you and to others in the future!

It’s definitely not an easy situation. Friend trouble never is! Please ask God for wisdom to know what is the right thing to do in your situation. I can only give you my opinion, but He always knows best! And I’ll be praying that you’ll have the courage to do what He asks of you.


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Welcome to Life, Love and God—a place for teen girls to find answers! I’m Jessie. Consider me a spiritual “big sis”—someone who cares a ton for you and wants to help you thrive!