Ditching a Clingy Ex

Q: There’s this guy at my school who is insanely in love with me. You’d think that would be a good thing! But we’ve dated before and it didn’t work out. He keeps telling me how beautiful I am and always surprises me with a hug from behind in the morning. He is in my class so it’s hard to ignore him. What should I do?

[dropcap ]A[/dropcap]I can understand why you’d be frustrated! On one hand, it’s nice to know that someone on the planet thinks you’re irresistible, but on the other hand, it sounds like he just needs to let go and move on! Since I don’t know you personally, I’m only guessing on this, but most of us girls struggle with not wanting to be mean and so we kind of lead guys on. We try to send subtle hints that we don’t like someone, but then we’re so worried about hurting the guy’s feelings that we kind of beat around the bush and don’t let him know–clearly–that we’re just not into him. My husband always says that it’s actually the kindest thing a girl can do for a guy when she doesn’t give him any hope if there’s no hope to give. Does that make sense? By beating around the bush, and being nice, and not letting him know how frustrated you are with his “morning hugs,” you’re not doing him any favors. In fact, you’re only letting him fool himself into thinking there’s a chance.

Now, obviously you can’t do anything about his feelings for you. If you have let him know that you’re not interested in a relationship with him, and he still thinks you’re the sun and moon and stars in his universe, there’s not a whole lot you can do about that-except take it as a compliment! But you can (and should) definitely set up some boundaries. Number one, let him know (firmly) that you do not want him hugging you, that it’s not appropriate, and that you don’t want him to do it anymore. You can say it nicely at first, but if he continues to do it, you’re going to have to pull out your mean girl face and get the message across!

No, you can’t ignore him if he’s in your class, but neither should you give him any extra attention. And I’d definitely make sure to tell him that you’re not interested in a relationship if you haven’t already.

Good luck!

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Welcome to Life, Love and God—a place for teen girls to find answers! I’m Jessie. Consider me a spiritual “big sis”—someone who cares a ton for you and wants to help you thrive!