Can’t Have Him (Now I Want Him)

Q: How do I get a guy back who used to be crazy about me but now has someone else in his life? We used to be best friends, until he told me he liked me and I didn’t say anything back. At first I just wanted to be friends, but then I started developing feelings for him and the other day I let him know how I felt. He told me he used to like me a lot, but was hurt because he thought I didn’t like him back and made himself kind of stop. Now he spends all of his time with a new girl, and I’m very jealous and just crazy about him. We hardly talk anymore.

Ah–that is a tricky situation! Have you ever heard the phrase, “You always want what you can’t have”? Do you think your newfound feelings could have anything to do with the fact that he has chosen someone else over you? Think of it this way: if he were crazy about you and pursuing a relationship with you, do you think you would be this head over heels for him?

If your answer to that question is yes, I’d say your best bet is to just be patient. I know that’s hard to do when your emotions are strong for someone. But if you’re serious about wanting a relationship with him, you’re going to have to wait out his new crush, rather than try to break them apart. Chances are (statistically speaking) they will probably break up eventually, and then if you are still single and crazy about him, he may realize that he still has feelings for you too. When that time comes, it will be important for him to know that he’s not in danger of being rejected again.

In the meantime, the worst thing you can do is become clingy to him, or tell him about your feelings for him if he’s in another relationship. Guys don’t want drama. They want a girl who is confident in who she is apart from a relationship.

Most importantly, sis, if you are a Christian, this is a time to turn to God and really build your relationship with Him. As you grow closer to Him and trust His will for your life, you may find that your feelings for said hottie aren’t as strong as you thought. If nothing else, this is a good opportunity to work on curbing jealousy. Here are a few verses to chew on as you spend time with God this week:

A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like cancer in the bones. (Proverbs 14:30, New Living Translation)

We’re blasted by anger and swamped by rage, but who can survive jealousy? (Proverbs 27:4 New Living Translation)

We’re in no hurry, GOD. We’re content to linger in the path sign-posted with your decisions. Who you are and what you’ve done are all we’ll ever want. (Isaiah 26:8, The Message)

You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are–no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought. (Matthew 5:5, The Message)

And religion does make your life rich, by making you content with what you have. (1Timothy 6:6, Contemporary English Version)

I’ve kept my feet on the ground, I’ve cultivated a quiet heart. Like a baby content in its mother’s arms, my soul is a baby content. (Psalm 131:2, The Message)

Hope that helps a bit, sis!


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Welcome to Life, Love and God—a place for teen girls to find answers! I’m Jessie. Consider me a spiritual “big sis”—someone who cares a ton for you and wants to help you thrive!