19 and Single

Q: I am (sadly) 19 and have never been in love…or on a date…or anything.  I’ve had tons of guy friends.  I’m not interested in girls—I am interested in guys, just not in any guy I know or have met.  So a friend is about to confess he likes me and wants to go out.  Should I date him and get the experience? I think that would be wrong…. but I don’t know.  I’m starting to feel like I’ll never fall in love and end up alone romantically. What should I do?

I have to disagree with you, sis. I do not think it’s “sad” that you’ve never been in love! The world will tell you that being in love is a mark of success, but Jesus never said anything of the kind. Contrary to what people might tell you (and many are convinced of themselves), we weren’t initially created to be in love with each other. We were created to glorify and be in love with God! Yes, a godly marriage can glorify Him, and is an amazing example of love (God calls us His bride!). But you shouldn’t feel like something is wrong with you because you have never been in love with a boy, and I definitely don’t think you should listen to anyone who says you are missing out. The Apostle Paul certainly thought that singleness was even better than marriage (1 Corinthians 7:7-9). To be completely honest, sis, I wish more girls would stop following the flipping, flapping little butterflies in their guts and think a little smarter when it comes to love. You are an example, not an abnormality, in my humble opinion!

Being “alone romantically”–either for a season, or for a lifetime–is not easy, I’m not going to lie. But the times we feel loneliness creep in are usually the times when we lose sight of what matters most: that Jesus is amazing, that He IS love, that a relationship with Him is worth making our first priority, and that our Heavenly suitor wrote the book on romance! And He wants to dance with you, sis. He wants to spend your entire lifetime swaying cheek to cheek through the slow songs and twirling you round the room when the music starts rocking. Yup, any would-be relationship here on earth pales in comparison.

As far as this boy goes, how do you feel about him? Does he love the Lord? Are you attracted to him? Do you enjoy his company? Does he treat you with respect? These are the types of things you’ll need to ask yourself. I agree with you; to date him just for the experience is not a great idea. I will say, though, that there is nothing wrong with going on a date with a boy who asks you out as long as he knows that you have every right to end the date at any point, and you are under no obligation to say yes to another date should he ask you out again. No matter what, honor the truth.


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Welcome to Life, Love and God—a place for teen girls to find answers! I’m Jessie. Consider me a spiritual “big sis”—someone who cares a ton for you and wants to help you thrive!