Q: I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year. Until now, I’ve always felt like we were meant to be together, but now I’m not so sure. How can you tell if you should still be in a relationship?

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That’s a really good question. I have a few thoughts, but first, I want to ask you a question: What makes you wonder whether you’re meant to be with your boyfriend?

Is he treating you badly? Are your eyes wandering and wondering what a relationship with someone else would be like? Are you less attracted to him? Have you fallen into physical sin? Has he started kissing his shoes goodnight and asking you to take of yours before you get into his car? (‘Cause that’s a deal-breaker right there, girl—lol!)

Kidding aside, I think it’s important for you to spend some time putting your finger on just where that nagging little suspicion is coming from. The answer to my question (What makes you wonder whether you’re meant to be with your boyfriend?) will probably shed some light on whether you should continue in the relationship.

Sometimes it’s hard to see the “forrest for the trees” when you’re in a relationship. So to help you think it through, here are a few more questions you can ask yourself to help figure out whether this relationship is God’s best for you.

Is your relationship…

  • Pulling you away from God?
  • Making you lose your own identity?
  • Feeling like a chore instead of a blessing?
  • Moving faster than you are ready for?
  • Giving you a little nagging feeling in your heart that something isn’t quite right?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, then I’d say it might be time to do the really hard thing and break off the relationship. Here’s a hard truth, but I know you can handle it: It’s way better to be single than to be in an unhealthy relationship just because you’re afraid to let go. And the longer you sort of go through the motions, the harder it will be to see the relationship clearly enough to let him go.

And if you can’t really put your finger on anything wrong in the relationship, people you love and respect give you a thumbs up, and you’re following God’s guidelines for relationships (like I talk about in Crushed: Why Guys Don’t Have to Make or Break You), then I’d say you have the freedom to choose.

So spend some time in prayer and ask God to show you His will for both of you. James 1:5 says, “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” So ask God what He thinks about this relationship, and then listen for His answer. I promise to pray for you tonight too!

Love,

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