Take the Boy or Save the Friendship?

Q: I recently transferred schools and I’m just starting to really connect with the other kids in the school. It’s great! Well, there’s this boy in the school who I really, REALLY like, and he really likes me too, and we both want to go out. Here’s the problem: One of my new friends used to go out with him and still really likes him, and pretty much hates any other girl that likes him. I really want to be friends with her, but this guys means sooooo much to me! Should I save the friendship or go out with this AMAZING guy who I REALLLLY like? HELP!!!

You are definitely in a quandary, sis, and I’m afraid I don’t have a perfect solution for you (if solution means “get the guy and still keep the friend”). Unfortunately, you have a tough decision to make, and your answer depends on just how worth it this guy is–whether he’s dreamy enough to risk ruining a new friendship. So rather than give you my opinion, I’m going to give you a few thoughts to chew on and questions to ask yourself while you decide what to do. Above all, remember to seek God’s councel through all this! You won’t get anywhere productive on your own. He’s the only One who can give you wisdom to do the right thing.

Question #1- You said that this guy means “sooooo much” to you. My first question is why? Other than being cute and making your stomach flutter like a thousand butterflies, what do you like about him? Does he love God? Does he show respect for you? For others? Make a list on paper, and try to be as specific as you can. (“He’s really nice” is a little too vague… How do you know that he’s nice? What does he do or say to show it? Get the idea?) Try to come up with at least five things. Be careful not to guess or project what you think he might be like. You haven’t known him long, but only base your answers on what you know for sure, k?

Question #2- How does he feel about his ex-girlfriend (your new friend)? Have you talked about the fact that you fear losing your friendship with her if you go out with him? Would he be “man enough” to talk to her about it on your behalf? Is there any chance that he still has feelings for her?

Question #3- There is a chance that this crush is, in fact, a crush, and that your feelings for him or his for you might change in a couple of months. If that happened, do you think you would regret losing your new girlfriend over your short relationship with him, or would those few weeks or months of “bliss” with him be worth the sacrifice?

Question #4- The fact that your new friend is so jealous over her ex-boyfriend raises some red flags. Is she a quality friend in every other area? Is she someone that you want to invest your time and friendship with? (I realize that we all have our faults! So the answer to this question very well could be yes… but you need to ask it!)

I hope these questions help you sort through all the emotions you must be feeling right now. One more time, I have to encourage you to pray and get in God’s Word as you try to decide what’s best. More than any guy or any girl, He is the One whose friendship should mean most to you! He will never let you down, and He is never this complicated! (lol)


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Welcome to Life, Love and God—a place for teen girls to find answers! I’m Jessie. Consider me a spiritual “big sis”—someone who cares a ton for you and wants to help you thrive!