Should I Ask Him Out? (The Catch: He’s Taken)

Q: The guy I like has a girlfriend, but she lives far away and doesn’t even go to our school. I want to ask him out, but I am afraid he will say no. What should I do? Should I ask him out for the dance? Should I tell him how I feel about him? I think he likes me too.

Tough situation, but my advice is actually pretty simple. Jesus said that the second most important command that God has given us is to “love your neighbor as yourself.” (The first one is to Love God with all your heart, soul and mind. See Matthew 22:36-40). He said that the entire Old Testament Law and all the instructions given from the prophets were based on those two commands. That means the old phrase “treat others the way you want to be treated” is pretty important!

With that in mind, ask yourself this: If you were this guy’s girlfriend, what would you think about another girl professing her love for your boyfriend? I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that you’d probably be pretty upset–maybe jealous, maybe indignant, but definitely not happy about it! If you take Christ’s command to heart to love her as much as you love yourself…well, I think that means you’d keep your feelings for your crush to yourself for the time being.

A final though: If you’re right that this guy has feelings for you, let him be the one to break things off with his girlfriend and pursue you. Don’t set yourself up for embarrassment by venting your feelings for “honesty’s sake.” There’s really no point. Proverbs 29:11 (NKJV) says, “A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.” So keep your heart patient until the right time, sis. Wait for a guy who will value you above all others!


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Welcome to Life, Love and God—a place for teen girls to find answers! I’m Jessie. Consider me a spiritual “big sis”—someone who cares a ton for you and wants to help you thrive!