Q: Are crushes ok? I want to keeping my heart pure for the man God has for me one day, but sometimes I just can’t help liking certain people. I know we should keep ourselves emotionally pure, but it’s just so hard sometimes! How far is too far when it comes to liking someone?

Great question! And you’re not the only to ask it. In fact, so many girls are confused about crushes that I wrote a more in-depth answer in my book Crushed: Why Guys Don’t Have to Make or Break You. Judging by the way you worded your question, it sounds like you’re getting some good teaching about purity and love from somewhere, so instead of give you more rules, let me allow you to breath a little!

Keeping ourselves “emotionally pure” doesn’t mean we don’t feel emotions!

“Pure” means “containing nothing that doesn’t properly belong.” So if your heart is full of longing for a particular guy, and you know that you really shouldn’t like him, then you need to ditch those feelings (this post explains how to do that). But it’s not wrong to feel admiration or even attraction for a quality member of the opposite sex. Crushes are feelings, and feelings aren’t wrong. Acting on feelings can be wrong, though, and that’s why we have to be careful about our crushes. Because me (and a whole bunch of other girls!) will tell you that if you let a misguided crush go unchecked, chances are some dumb decisions will follow. Our feelings play a big part in our actions.

So I can’t really tell you “how far is too far” when it comes to liking someone. There aren’t any one-size-fits-all lines to draw on that one. Only you can tell (with the Holy Spirit’s help) if your feelings are becoming an idol—if you’ve let that hope of a relationship take God’s rightful #1 spot in your heart. Here’s a perfect prayer, inviting God to let you know if you’re in the clear

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Point out anything in me that offends you,

and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Psalm 134:23-24

God’s loves to answer prayers like that! If you’re willing to hear it, He will show you when harmless feelings turn not-so-harmless.

Love,