Why Do I Want to Be Pretty?

Q: I wish I didn’t care so much about how I look. I know God only cares about my heart, but I still worry about not looking like other girls, or that no guy will like me. Why do I even want to be pretty?


Oh girl. You are so not alone! I think I can say with 100 percent sincerity that I have never met a girl who doesn’t want to be pretty. Not a single one. Some of us females do better than others at keeping that longing in check, but it seems that all girls—godly ones, beautiful ones, ordinary ones, famous ones, all the ones—care about being beautiful (at least a little bit).

So…Is that bad?

Sometimes yes, and sometimes no. (How’s that for a definitive answer? Lol!) If you’ve read Crushed: Why Guys Don’t Have to Make or Break You, then you might remember that when God made Eve, He gave her a desire to be desired by Adam. That’s super important, because all these years later, you and I operate pretty much the same way. One of the basic building blocks of our identity as girls is to want to be wanted. We hope someone will look at us and say, “That girl is worth doing whatever it takes to make her mine.” And that is part of the “good” God declared when He made us. But because Eve disobeyed God, now we also have a sin nature to contend with. So there’s this struggle in our hearts with pride and jealousy, insecurities and questioning the way God created us. As you know, the struggle is real. And it’s no bueno.

Follow this logic with me:

  1. I want to be pretty.
  2. Culture tells me that only a very particular kind of girl is beautiful.
  3. Someone says something mean, or I look in the mirror and don’t think I match the image.
  4. I conclude I don’t measure up.
  5. I feel like someone has shoved a knife in my heart and twisted it three times. Or I chase the image. (Usually both.)

Can you relate? This is deep identity stuff. That’s why superficial, churchy answers like, “Don’t worry about how you look,” “God thinks you’re beautiful and that’s all the matters,” and “You’ll grow out of this ‘phase’” help about as much as putting an ice pack on frostbite.

I’ve never been a fan of pat answers. But I’m also relentlessly committed to God’s Word, and when I look there, even though I don’t see quaint little answers, I do see a roadmap to freedom from the beauty idol, while not forgetting that we are girls—girls with a longing to be beautiful! I CAN’T WAIT to share what I’ve found with you because it has made a HUGE difference in my own life. Since I couldn’t answer all my big beauty questions in these little blog posts, I’ve been working hard to bring you the next book in the Life, Love & God Series.

Ironically, I’ve discovered that the key to seeing and believing your beauty is to know exactly how to feel ugly. That’s why I’m excited to bring you Backwards Beauty: How to Feel Ugly in 10 Simple Steps. We’re going to laugh together at the silly things we do in the name of beauty, how to stop comparing ourselves to others, and a gazillion other practical ways to enjoy beauty while not idolizing it. I hope you’ll join me. Here’s a small taste of the fun in store:

To watch more steps and find out how to order the book, visit BackwardsBeauty.com. Trust me—you at least want to see these videos! Chocolate sauce, made-up words, and yours truly in foils. This is Academy Award material.

I’m excited about this book and this message because I care so much about my little sisters. I want you to enjoy the very best of life! Let’s finally ditch this bad body-image stuff so we can stand tall with confidence and shine with the genuine beauty we already possess.



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Welcome to Life, Love and God—a place for teen girls to find answers! I’m Jessie. Consider me a spiritual “big sis”—someone who cares a ton for you and wants to help you thrive!