Q: I was sitting near some guys at lunch and they were asking each other if they had lost their, um, “purity,” and who they lost it with. Why do guys brag about that and try to make it sound cool?
Since you’re wondering why guys do what they do, and I am not a guy, I decided to ask an expert: a real, genuine male, who happens to live under my roof and share my last name. My husband’s actually really wise, and I love getting to include him in Life, Love & God questions. So without further adieu, here’s Paul Daniel:
If you were to line up all the guys in your grade at your school and then have a magic “heart-and-soul meter” that could show how much integrity, honor and respect (we’ll call it “IHR”) they have in their heart towards girls, you would get readings all across the board. You’d have some guys who have amazing IHR, some who have none, some actually at negative numbers, and then a whole bunch at some level in between.
Unfortunately, no such meter exists. And chances are at any given moment you’ll come into contact with guys high on the IHR scale and guys low on the IHR scale in the hallways, in class, at lunch, on the bus, etc., and have no clue which is which. Some teen guys are truly noble, and some are just… not REMOTELY noble.[pullquote align=”full” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]Some teen guys are truly noble, and some are just…not REMOTELY noble.[/pullquote]
See, guys have all sorts of things in their past that have contributed to where they are on the IHR scale today. And unfortunately most of them are being bombarded by what society tells them they need to be: non-virgins who conquer girl after girl in some sort of macho “all-the-girls-not-only-dig-me-but-want-to-bear-my-children” type of insanity. It’s a lie straight from Satan, but for a lot of us at that age, the flesh doesn’t need a ton of coaxing (especially when we listen to the music we listen to, watch the movies we watch, and idolize the ungodly people we idolize).
[pullquote align=”right” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]Most of the guys you encounter on a daily basis have little-to-no relationship with Jesus.[/pullquote]
Here’s the bottom line: most of the guys you encounter on a daily basis will probably have little-to-no relationship with Jesus. Which means they are likely chasing after what the world chases after. Which means they might say disgusting things like those guys were at lunch the other day, and they might use traits like integrity, honor, respect and nobility only to get as far as they can with girls and for chasing after ungodly things.
So how is a girl to know which guys are truly noble and which aren’t? Prayer and time. Prayer: Ask the Lord to give you wisdom and discernment with the guys you choose to be friends with (and the guys you are attracted to). Time: Wait, and watch, and see if they are truly who they claim to be.
Oh, and when you overhear guys talking about their “purity?” Walk away. Far, far away. Because they’re not doing so well on the IHR scale at that point.
And that’s why I love my man. He’s high on the IHR scale! Hope that helps.