Q: I’ve had a crush on one of my guy friends for a while. For a while, I really thought he liked me back. He would always flirt with me and stuff. A friend convinced me to tell him that I like him, which I kind of regret now. He was nice to me for a while, but then he starting dating someone else. Well, he broke up with her today. Should I let him know that I still like him? Or should I even like him?

 

Oh, how tempting it is to tell the guy we’re crushin’ on that we’re into him! I think deep down (or maybe not so deep down!) we hope that if we tell him how we feel, he’ll come back and tell us that he has been madly in love with us all along, but just wasn’t sure how to say it. Right? It’s the classic romantic comedy we watch way too much of.

As girls we have been trained (by the media and society in general) to go after what we want. That’s not always a bad thing (like with a job or an education), but when that “something” is a guy, we go against the way God designed guy/girl relationships when we girls take matters into our own hands. Sometimes we even go after what we want in the name of “honesty.” I have heard girls say something like, “I want to be truthful. If I like him but don’t tell him, isn’t that being dishonest?” No way! Proverbs talks a lot about the wisdom in guarding your emotions and how you express them (see Proverbs 4:23; 25:28; 29:11; etc.).

Sometimes it’s in our favor to not share how we’re feeling, and I think this is one of them. By keeping your feelings for him close to your heart, you preserve your dignity while you wait to see what his feelings are. Any guy worth your heart, sis, will be willing to do whatever it takes to pursue you! Shyness, fear of rejection, nerves–none of those will hold a godly guy back once he’s convinced you are the one for him. The brutal, honest truth, though, is that a lot of times, we have crushes on someone who doesn’t feel the same way about us. That hurts! No way around it. But we only compound our hurt when we put ourselves out there by sharing more of our feelings than we should.

Whether or not you “should” like him is another matter, and a question I can’t answer for you. In Respect: How to Get It, How to Give It, I give more details about what to look for in a guy, and what to watch out for. But common sense, open eyes, and a lot of prayer will go a long way too! The fact that he acted like he liked you without giving you any verbal confirmation sends up red flags for me. You deserve a guy who will respect your feelings enough to shoot straight with you!

Sis, I’m so sorry that your heart is hurting! I hope that this hasn’t come across as too harsh, because I definitely know how it feels to have strong feelings for a guy who isn’t jumping over hurdles to get to me! Boy, do I know! But out of all that hurt–and now being blessed with an amazing, godly husband–I can tell you that it’s 100 percent better to wait for a guy who will be head over heels for you and be willing to pursue you than to settle for anything less.

Love you, sis!