Q: I’ve been talking to a boy for a few months now. I just went out with him, but he hasn’t talked to me since then. I always get depressed when he doesn’t text me, which makes me feel too clingy and insecure. My friends say that he likes me and that I don’t need to worry. Do you have any advice that will help me from feeling this way?

Great question! I obviously can’t tell you whether or not this guy is into you, but I can definitely give you some tips to help you grow in your faith, and as a person, through the uncertainty.

When you really, really like a guy, it’s natural to get excited when you hear from him or, for that matter, when you hear or see anything remotely attached to him. We girls are notorious for taking this to ridiculous extremes. Ever seen the movie Emma? In it, one of the main characters, Harriet Smith, admits to being obsessed with a small scrap of fabric (basically a Band-aid) her crush had played with while getting a cut bandaged. She kept it in her “Harriet’s Treasures” box. Silly, I know, but also a wee bit embarrassing for any girl who has treasured similar absurdities. (Guilty!)

While it’s natural for you to get excited to hear from your crush, it’s not healthy to get depressed when you don’t hear from him. Those feelings reveal a deeper insecurity that you need to deal with in order to grow as a person and as a potential wife someday. I recommend you sit down with your Bible and a notebook several times this week and ask God to show you the root issues of your insecurities. Here are some “food for thought” questions to chew on during those quiet times with Him. Below the questions, I’ve included some Bible verses you can read through to help you find some answers.

  1. Why do I worry or get depressed when I don’t hear from my crush? What thoughts go through my mind to trigger those emotions?
  2. Do I truly believe that I am worth a guy who will be as crazy for me as I am for him? Am I willing to wait for that kind of relationship?
  3. Do I need to be in a relationship with a guy to be happy? If so, why do I feel that way? How should I feel?
  4. What steps do I need to take to change the way I think about myself and/or relationships so that I can have a healthy relationship when God decides the time is right to send along a solid, godly guy?
  • Psalm 19:7-14
  • Psalm 34
  • Psalm 139
  • Romans 12:1-2
  • Philippians 4:4-9
  • James 1:2-8

I pray you’ll take the time to really think through those questions. Remember, the emotions we feel (worry, fear, discouragement, etc.) come from the thoughts we think (like, “He hasn’t texted me… he must not like me as much as I like him.”). So as you discover truths in your quiet times, start replacing those negative thoughts with truth (e.g., “Any guy that is worth giving my heart to will care about me the same way I care about him. If this guy isn’t it, I don’t have to worry. God knows what I need and when I need it.”) It’s amazing what a little “thought therapy” will do for our emotional and spiritual well-being!

Love,