Q: I am in love with my best friend. He is a Christian, and he is a great guy, but he chooses girls who hurt him and then I, the best friend, am stuck there to pick up the pieces. Should I tell him how I feel and risk harming our friendship? Or should I keep quiet and hope that one day he will come around on his own? Help!

adropFrom what you’ve said, it sounds like your best friend is looking for the wrong things in the wrong places. That’s not the kind of guy you want to give your heart to. Maybe in time he’ll mature and be the right kind of guy, but I don’t think he’s at that point yet. I know that’s probably hard to hear (even if you already know it deep down), but I care about you enough to say it.

So, no, I don’t think you should tell him how you feel about him. In fact, I would be careful how much of yourself you share with him. You deserve to be pursued by a man who realizes how beautiful you are, inside and out. If this guy can’t see that, don’t wait around for him. Instead, wait on God and pursue Christ. Yes, this “great guy” may come around someday and become the man of God you deserve, but that isn’t something God has promised. If it happens, great! But to dwell on it, and hope for it, and wait for it, and dream about it will only come between you and the One who already adores you.

Proverbs 4:23 says to “guard” your heart, and I think that’s good advice in your situation. How? I think the first step is to choose to love Him as a brother in Christ, but not in a romantic way. I know that sounds impossible, and sometimes it will feel impossible. But if you take it one step at a time and rely on Christ’s strength, He will help your heart stay healthy and free.

My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.

Psalm 73:26

Jesus can and will be your strength through the sticky process of keeping your heart protected. That’s good news, right?

First Peter 5:7 says,

Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.

I have a feeling that you know this, but (like all of us) sometimes it’s hard to feel the truth of it. Sometimes we need to choose to think it, and remind ourselves of it in the midst of confusing and painful heartache.

One final thing. Be careful not to let this guy friend take advantage of your care for him. For some crazy reason I think he knows that you care deeply for him, and he may know full well that you’ll “always be there” for him. And the fact that you want to be there for him is noble and kind! But I’m not convinced God wants you to play that role in his life, for three reasons. First, if he’s always coming to you when he’s heartbroken instead of turning to God, he’s missing out on the ultimate comfort God can provide, and the growth that comes with deepening that relationship. Second, if God has another man in store for you in the future, then being “always there” for this guy (making your heart vulnerable to him) could make for some sticky situations. Third, even though I trust that you really do just want to be there for him, you’re putting yourself through an emotional tornado every time he comes back to you for comfort. I don’t want your heart to break into more and more pieces for a guy whose indifference shows he doesn’t deserve you.

You are precious! Don’t settle for less than you deserve. Guard your heart and hold out for the right man—a man who will leave no doubt in your mind that he honors Christ and you!

Love,

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