Q: About two months ago, my best friend and boyfriend of five months broke up with me. He respected me and that I didn’t want to make out with him, he led me closer to God, made me a better person and got me back on the right path. Our families are really close, and it’s so hard to see him all the time when he seems perfectly fine without me. At first I felt like I was over him, but now I realize I’m not even close. Is it wrong to hope that we’ll get back together?

adropI can see why you’d be hurt and confused! Breakups are never easy, but it’s ten times harder when you can’t get “space” from your ex in order to heal (because your families are really close, because you go to school together, or attend the same youth group, etc.). It sounds like–whatever his reasons–he isn’t interested in getting back together right now. So as hard as it is to think of moving on, I think your heart needs closure. How you felt for that week or two after your broke up–feeling like you were going to be okay and could go on with your life–I really think those feelings will come back once you know that this relationship is over. Like really over.

Here’s the thing: When we have a hope of getting back together someday (whether in a week or 3 years), our hearts cling to that hope like a staticky maxi dress clings to unshaven legs. It’s really, really hard to move on when there’s that little thought in the back of your mind that maybe…just maybe…he’ll “come to his senses,” see what an idiot he was for letting you go, and you’ll live happily-ever-after after all. Now you never know–God may plan for the two of you to get back together in the future. But in the meantime, you have to live and think and move on like there’s no guarantee of that. Because, unfortunately, there isn’t.

I know how hard that is to do, so believe me, I don’t suggest it lightly! But with God’s strength, you can hold your head high and let go of the thought of getting back together. You can be kind and friendly when you’re around him. You can pray for him as your brother in Christ. And you can smile at what has past because you know that your future is bright as long as you keep your eyes focused on God!

I’m struck by how incredibly cool it is that God used your friend-turned-more to lead you back to the “right path.” The fact that you became a “better person” because of dating him is the way it should be! You can move on without regrets because you’ve grown and learned and become more than you were because of your time with him. Keep a mental note of those things you really liked about his character and personality so you’ll know what to look for in a future husband someday!

I have a new book out called Crushed: Why Guys Don’t Have to Make or Break You. I think it might be a really good read for you in this time of hurting and healing and learning how to smile again at the future. It’s available at Amazon.com here.

Love,

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