Q: My boyfriend is just my type. Plus, my parents really like him and his parents really like me. But I think he wants to have sex. He said that if he ever did anything I didn’t like that I have the right to stop him, and he asked me what my limits were. But he sometimes says things that make me feel a little bit uncomfortable. What should I do?
First, I have to give you some props, sis. You’re a wise girl for caring what your parents think about your boyfriend choices! They care about you more than you can imagine, and they’ve been “around the block” enough times to have learned a thing or two. Props #2: Sounds like you respect yourself enough to set up some physical boundaries in your relationship. You’re ahead of the game if you’ve set limits and communicated those to your boyfriend. So here’s where my advice comes in. You need to be clear–I mean, CRYSTAL clear–with your bf that you’re not interested in having sex with him. Don’t leave any room for doubt in his head, because ninety percent of the time if you haven’t been completely clear (and sometimes even if you have), he’ll push the limits. You’re going to have to stick to your guns here, and that starts with being super clear and confident about what specific things you’re willing to do and not do with him.
Now… If you have been clear about your boundaries and you still feel like he “pushes the line,” either in his words or actions, you’ve got a tough decision to make. Do his actions show respect for you? Do you want to be with a guy who struggles with self-control? From where I sit, I’d say it’s way better to wait for a guy who will respect you enough to honor your body by honoring your boundaries. But I also know it’s tough to think of breaking things off with someone you really like! The decision is yours to make. Be wise!
My book, Respect: How to Get It, How to Give It talks more about setting physical boundaries and sticking to them. If you need more help in this area, you can find it on Amazon.com.
Praying your relationship with your bf will bring God glory!