Q: I have a crush on a guy at school, but he’s really shy. I keep bumping in to him and I’d like to become friends with him. What is my first move?

adropThanks so much for your question, sis, and I’m going to answer it the best that I can… but first, can I ask you a question? What is it about your crush that makes him so crushable? In other words, what do you like about him, or what do you admire about him? You are beautiful and your heart is precious, so what is it about him that makes him worth spending your emotions, thoughts and energy on?

It doesn’t sound like you know your crush very well. Those shy boys can be oh-so-cute, but sometimes we create them to be someone they aren’t. When a guy doesn’t say much, or when we don’t know him well, we can imagine what we think that cute, shy guy might be like, and fall head-over-heels for a person that we’ve basically made up! Know what I mean? (Oh have I been guilty of that! lol) So I’d say your “first move” should be to find out more about him. Don’t force it or stalk him or anything (smile), but do a little homework before you decide whether your crush is worth having feelings for. It might be helpful to make a list of qualities you’d want in your future husband. Trustworthy, godly, pure, gentle… you get the idea. If you’re not sure, you’ll find some great qualities in 1 Timothy 3! (I’m not suggesting that you’ll ever find a “perfect” guy, because none of us is perfect! But it’s a good idea to know what type of guy you’re looking for.)

I know that’s not the “first move” you were probably thinking of! So let me give you one more tip. The best relationships start out naturally, not forced. If you’d have to manipulate circumstances in order to sit next to him… or get him to notice you… or talk to him (we girls are famous for doing that, right? lol) then a relationship with your crush might not be what’s best for you right now. You deserve a guy who will notice the beauty in your heart and will want to pursue you. At 14, you might have to wait a while for guys to become mature enough to have a godly outlook on relationships, but that’s okay. In the meantime, focus on becoming the kind of girl who will attract the kind of guy when the time is right–a kind of girl that mirrors the qualities you’re looking for in a guy.

Love,