Q: I have a great boyfriend who respects me and loves me. I told him I’m not ready for sex because I’d like to stay a virgin until I’m married. He said he is perfectly fine with that. He also said that if he ever does anything that makes me feel uncomfortable, I need to tell him. The thing is, he sometimes says things that I’m unsure about. He makes little comments about my body or about sex that I don’t really know what to do with. I’d like to include that he has severe A.D.H.D. and so he speaks what’s on his mind and doesn’t really have a filter.
I’m so proud of you for communicating your boundaries to your boyfriend! You’re a wise girl to save the precious gift of sex for your husband. It’s one of the most important decisions you’ll make in your whole life.
If your bf has said, “let me know if I do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable,” you’ve got a great “in” to talk to him about how uncomfortable his comments make you feel. Those boys… I’m not trying to put them down, but sometimes they really don’t have a clue how their words affect us girls! So tell him. For goodness sakes, help him create a “filter”! (lol) I wouldn’t make it a lot of drama or anything, but you could start out by saying, “Hey, remember when you told me that if you ever did anything that made me feel uncomfortable I should tell you? Well sometimes–even though I know you don’t mean to–some of the things you say make me feel awkward, like…” And then give him a couple of examples.
On a little bit deeper level, though, the comments your bf has made do give me pause. The Bible says that what we say flows from what is in our hearts (Luke 6:45), and “The heart of the godly thinks carefully before speaking; the mouth of the wicked overflows with evil words” (Proverbs 15:28). If he’s talking about sex, then it’s a pretty safe bet that sex is on his mind. And since you’ve already said that you don’t want to have sex before marriage, then you’d be wise to keep on your guard. Don’t let him pressure you with his words or his actions. You deserve a guy who will respect you and your boundaries by not even teasing you about wanting sex.
I’ll be praying God gives you the courage to talk to your bf about the things he’s been saying. Let me know how it goes!